no one feeling will do!

So once again this date has come, and in seven hour this day will be over with. My feeling are mixed and I'm not quite sure what to do with my self. I've cried much less this year but it's only been four years in so many ways it feels like it was just yesterday and then it feels like it's been forever! I often think when something wonderful, super funny for something bad happens oh I've got to tell mom about this one, and I sometimes find my self dialing her number or driving to her house, and well it then hits me that she wont be there! And she already knows what happened and is either happy for me or laughing with me or conforting me. I miss my mom every day of my life some days are far harder than other and I find my self jealous of other people with their moms. But I know that God will and that he has taken care of me. And year after year I'll get better at this, so today I pray that I can be strong and not hit the ground crying and mad and upset that I no longer have her with me for she is in a better place and is no longer in pain.